Ugh

Ugh is how I feel about the fact that I have been really slacking in my blog posts. Ya know what would really help? Leave me a comment! Let me know you are reading! It will nudge me to post more often. I haven't stopped snapping cute pictures. I just need to actually put them on here. I have started doing a lot more with photos and videos for work, so essentially I have turned my hobby into a job and then lack the energy to keep up my hobby. Ugh.

But, here is an attempt at an update and maybe this will encourage me to get caught up on everything else.

Ben created his first self portrait!

He also gave me this lovely pose. 

 Zoo trip.

 The mother seriously followed Ben around. It was pretty cute.

 Trying to get a pic - Ryan wasn't with us.

 The boys were annoying this lioness. She was happily gnawing a bone and after the boys came along, she walked off. 

 For future embarrassment.  

 We have been introduced to 'helicopters.' They are little seed pods that fall from the trees and if you throw them up they come down like helicopters. The boys love it! We always get Maren to stop and play and often have gotten others to play too!

 

Nate sniffing the pretty flowers while we all do a little yard work.

 We had an awesome work group of high school students come help us in our yard. They added dirt to level our yard, planted grass seed and doubled our sand box. They were so sweet to let the boys help. And the boys did a great job of staying out of the way when they had to.

 Double the fun!

Here is a quick video I put together as a thank you to the group. Pictures of the boys are in there a few times helping!

 My handsome little man in his new shoes and shades. Thanks Aunt Kim!

 Messy eater!

 Watching tv. Nate is just now starting to notice the tv and Ben is allowed one show a day and he knows if something in our routine causes him to miss his show!

 Friends!

Nate - He is already running and he has only been walking for a month. He is everywhere! When Ben is in timeout, Nate is on the step too. When Ben is sent to his room for whining (a frequent happening), Nate runs along behind to join him. You get the picture. Nate is also very smart! He knows that Ben cannot get up from the timeout step or leave his room if he has been banished there. So, like a great little brother would, Nate gets a toy and runs off with it leaving Ben screaming for his return. Ah, the joys of brothers! I am sure sisters would do this too, but never as loudly as my boys do! He is also talking up a storm. He tries to repeat a lot of words. His first word was ball, followed quickly by dog. Anything round is a ball and he hollers dog at the tv at every animal commercial. He also says mommy and daddy and said Nate once. He makes a bah sound for bath, brother and Ben. He says shoes and puts his finger to his little lips and says shhhh when we are trying to sneak out of his room without Ben hearing us. He says Bob, as in Bob the Builder! There are probably more, but I can't think of them now.

Ben - He has been on a hunger strike for far too long. It drives me crazy, but I don't have a solution yet. He will often choose to skip a meal rather than eat what is given, almost never breakfast though so that makes me feel a little better. I don't know the reason and I don't know how he does it and keeps up his energy. He loves to read - to be read to and to sit and "read" alone or with Nate (although they can't share the same book or someone will scream). He loves to help with anything and everything still. He helps cook about every meal, he will put away his things as well as ours. He can often be found picking up things that have fallen off the shelf at a store. He remembers everything! It is sometimes hard for us to get the connections he is making. Tonight a friend brought stir-fry for dinner and had soy and teriyaki sauce on the table. Ben said, "that sauce is like the last time when it was in the middle of the table." My brain went searching for the connection and remembered that we visited our old church plant for Easter Sunday and they had Asian food and the soy sauce packets were in the middle of the tables! How did he remember that? Actually, I am about to turn 30! How did I remember that? ha.

Ben's first time shaving! He is growing so fast :)

Myself and Ryan - We may not be as cute as our kids, but just maybe you want to know how we are doing too. We continue to feel like we are right in the middle of what God has for us and there really is no better place. We will have been with World Impact for four years on July 1. Wow! This past weekend we hosted the first (of many) Christ the Victor Church Plant School. It was an intense weekend of training, worshiping together and unifying ourselves. Four teams were commissioned to begin or continue planting Christ the Victor Churches. Ryan was on the planning committee and had huge input into the conference. He also did a few teaching times and preached the Sunday sermon. AND he ran the sound and visual for the whole conference. He is pretty awesome. I know I'm married to him so I may be biased, but God has really given him a gift of teaching and I love hearing him preach. Childcare was provided for our kids - 8 toddlers ages 3 1/2 - 1 1/2 years old. My boys are never in childcare since we don't have family here and our personal lives and work lives mesh so much so that they just stay with me. It was hard for all three of us. The boys cried almost every time I left them (and I cried once) but it was reported to me that they always calmed down within ten minutes! That made me feel good, but still made me sad. I am thankful for amazing volunteers and the intern from the St. Louis ministry that cared so well for my sweet boys.

Here is a video summary of the weekend that I made for the conference attendees.

Happenings

Recent things Ben has done or said:
He came into my bathroom with two small balls under his shirt and proudly said, "Look, I'm you!"

He was trying to put Nate's shoes on for him and kept telling himself, "I know I can do it!"

I requested spaghetti when he was cooking for me in his playhouse outside. He replied, "We only have bug mash."

Our 3 year old!
I forgot to blog that he weighed 30 pounds and was 37 inches tall at his check-up.

Brothers

Big boy Nate

Family!

The Easter out takes.

Last Wednesday we joined another family and dedicated Nathaniel at our church meeting. We know God will use our little Nate! We pray he comes to know the Lord and follows him with all his heart!

He is a bit old for a dedication so he was squirmy and wanting to walk around.

 Prayer of blessing over him.

 The other family are missionaries with World Impact and just recently adopted two little boys!

Big boy that still sucks his thumb. Isn't he so cute!?

A little dancing from Nate. He wasn't totally into it, but I know the grands like seeing him anyway. And, please notice that while filming the dance we were having to discipline Ben too. Ah, parenthood - never a dull moment.

I planned our church plants' Easter egg hunt and hot dog roast. It was so fun! Ben generally sticks really close to us in large crowds however he is coming out of that more and more every day it seems. He sat with all the other kids and ate his hot dog and some fruit (with the assistance of a missionary friend keeping an eye on him for us) and by the end was running in the big field playing ball with the other kids! It was so great to see him like that. He is growing up. 

 Yummy!

The life of a missionary kid - left alone while someone else takes your picture and then shares it with your mom.

As we were cleaning up, Maren took a few of the kids on a ride to get all the cones. Ben was in heaven!

From the ketchup and other nastiness on his clothes, this was his post Easter egg hunt attire.

Here is a video I put together of all our church plants' activities during Holy Week!

 Is this his future? 

 I let them play outside for 20 minutes before dinner and this is what happened. They combined the rain water that pooled and added up a bunch and dirt and tada! Can you even see Nate's shoes? When Ryan came home from work Ben excitedly told him, "Look Daddy! I made a dirty hole!" Ah, the things they say!

Baby No More

Our little Nate, at almost sixteen months, has finally gotten brave enough to let go and walk! It has been a slow process for him, but we knew he had it in him. He still crawls sometimes because he is super fast at crawling, but he tries to stand and walk mostly. Ben has been a tremendous big brother too and holds his hand and helps him back up. It's so fun to watch. We are praising Nate so much for finally walking that I am trying to be very careful to praise Ben for "teaching" Nate and Ben just eats it up. Teamwork!

Where's My Hoodie?

I feel an overwhelming desire to take a picture of myself wearing a hoodie with my hands in my pockets and my back turned in passive aggressive support of Trayvon Martin's family.

This may come as a shock to you, but I have been white all my life, ghostly white - I don't even tan. I grew up in the white South and did not even interact with people that didn't look like me until college (unless you count the grocery store clerks that carried my bags to the car for me). I didn't know life any differently. And then I went to a 35,000 person college and saw every skin tone, every religion and every different way of thinking from my own. I had to do some real soul searching.

Then, God called me to the city and for the first five years to serve among mostly African Americans. During our four years in Dallas my office was in the city housing complex where we ministered. More than once a police car followed me to see what business I had in being there. Our apartment was quite literally 'across the tracks,' a noticeable racial divide. More days than not, Ryan was the only other white person I saw as I came and went from work and other daily activities like grocery shopping.

It never felt weird. It was my life. Until I had those moments. Those slips. Where a thought crossed my mind or I behaved in a way that was so natural to my upbringing, but so against my current way of thinking.

We ministered in Dallas to children, mostly elementary-aged. We searched and searched for curriculum for our weekly Bible Studies and found almost nothing. All the little kids in the pictures had blond hair. Jesus had blue eyes. The "take home" (application) was always some version of "obey your parents." What? It was so frustrating.

I remember so vividly being the first person to tell a group of eager-to-learn brown skinned little girls that Jesus looked more like their skin color than mine. The shock and joy in their eyes is burned into my memory.  It was so apparent that they had never considered that Jesus looked like them! What a joy to be the first to tell them! I hope it stuck with them.

I will also never forget one of those slips moments. Ryan and I were joining two other couples to celebrate someone's birthday - I don't remember whose birthday it was. We went to the local Chili's restaurant and were promptly escorted through the empty dining room and seated at the back next to the constantly-opening to-go door and across the aisle from another table of six or so. Our waiter was also in charge of all the to-go orders so he was painfully slow and inept (I have a serious thing about good service when I am paying so darn much for the food, but that's another blog). I remember being annoyed. But, what I now remember most is the light bulb moment probably a few weeks later when I put it all together. We were having dinner with two African American couples. We were seated across from a table of six African American diners. Seriously? Where we really treated with horrible service and forced to sit at the back of the empty restaurant because of skin color? My hands are shaking and my eyes are filling with tears as I even type this because it was a painful lesson for me. Should we have used our white privilege to demand a better table? Probably not. Am I ashamed even today that it took me weeks to put it all together? Sadly, yes.

So many times I have asked God why he chose to give me near translucent skin, but such a huge heart for the African American culture. He hasn't given me an answer and I suspect he never will. He doesn't owe it to me. My two beautiful boys had no chance but to get pale white skin from me and Ryan. But, I hope and pray that they will be forced to wrestle with all these things as they grow up in the city. As I teach them their ABCs and 123s, I want them to also learn from me that God loves us all...Christ came to save us all...Jesus himself was met with stares as he socialized with the "wrong" crowd. I hope that they love their friends that look like Trayvon just as much as they love their friends that look like them. I hope they jump in with both feet to follow Him!

Happy 3rd Birthday Ben

I am quite late in posting this, but Ben had a few weeks of birthday celebration, it seemed. He better not get used to that :)

On the actual day of his birthday, March 10, I was at a women's retreat for most of the day. Ryan took Ben and Nate, along with friends Daren and Jackson to the mall for a Dr. Seuss thing. We knew it was risky since Ben is terrified of large, costumed characters and he did keep his distance, but had a good time.

Coloring sheets before the show.

 Do you see the red stripped hat in the center of the photo? Ryan took this pic to show me that this is as close as Ben was willing to get to the Cat in the Hat!

 Story time with the local news anchors. Bottom left of photo - Nate is turned around looking in the stroller, Ben is behind him in yellow and Daren is on Ben's right holding Jackson.

Although I had the retreat, I was allowed to leave early to participate in birthday dinner with my family. Ben requested a "home birthday" meaning he did not want to go out to dinner, but instead wanted yellow mac-n-cheese. He calls it yellow because the Kraft box has yellow on it rather than the homemade (and much healthier) mac-n-cheese that we serve often in our home. He was willing to go to Orange Leaf for some froyo though :)

We didn't plan ahead very well and hadn't purchased many gifts for him even though the birthday money from relatives had arrived. We could not get a feel for what he really wanted. I am glad we waited though because we eventually decided on a little outdoor playhouse and both boys LOVE it!

 Ben was anxiously waiting for Nate to wake up from his nap to come play with him. He set up both their little chairs inside the house and waited. When Nate woke up (happy) and came out to play, he clearly did not want to sit beside Ben.

 Making dinner!

 The beginnings of a lifetime friendship!

He also had his first experience spending his own money. He got a check that Ryan let him help deposit (we scan our deposits) and Ben thought that was so fun.  

He also received $20 cash that we let him put in his wallet and carry to the store in his back pocket and he picked out his own toy. He loved it! We went to a local little toy store and the owners loved Ben as much as he loved getting the toy. It was so fun!

Then, my mom came to town a few days later during her Spring Break so we hosted a party on the patio and asked all our friends and co-workers to stop by. He had a great turn-out. The wind was crazy that day though!

Always willing to lick the spatula.

 Nate is getting to join big brother on the counter most days now. Cooking is a family affair.

 Before the party even started the helium balloons were taken by the wind but saved by the branches. Josh was kind enough to cut them down and we managed to save them.

 The huge Diego balloon didn't have such good luck. He flew away to never return.

 Friends!

 Nate had his first Cheeto. Ya think he liked it?

 Why do they think it's fun in there?

The finale - Daren gave Ben, Jackson and Nadia a ride in the golf cart. Pure joy!

 

Happy Birthday to my favorite Benjamin! 

You are so sweet, so smart, so kind and we love you more than you can imagine!

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Like many people, St. Patrick's Day is only about wearing green for me. I don't drink gallons of Guinness in celebration, so my green shirt is about as far as my partying goes. As part of my role at World Impact I follow many people on twitter and facebook to get ideas for posting/retweeting on World Impact's facebook and twitter. This afternoon I was checking my twitter feed and saw many articles talking about the man behind St. Patrick's Day. I was intrigued and starting looking into his life a little more.

Patrick was captured and put into slavery at the age of 16 by Celtic pirates. During his isolating years in captivity, God spoke to him in an amazing way and gave him a love for his captures.

He escaped and returned home at the age of 22 and became a priest. At the age of 48 he had a dream where his former captures said, "We appeal to you, holy servant boy, to come and walk among us." SO HE DID!

He went back to the very people that had enslaved him and preached the gospel and thousands were saved! His obedience to God's call in his life transformed an entire nation.

I'm not sure that God has plans for our family to change the urban poor population in our entire country, but I do know that he has called us and we are to continue sharing the love of Christ among the urban poor here in Wichita.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Random Updates on Ben and Nate

One of my favorite things is to find my laundry in the wrong drawer. It means Ben was helping put laundry away while I folded! Don't peak in my linen closet because Ben put away the spare sheets and they are a wadded up mess, but it makes me smile every time I get in that closet and I just don't want to clean it up just yet. 

With my hands full I was trying to holler across the room to get Nate to stop hammering on the entertainment center. Ben said, "I'll get him, mom." "Tell him to hammer on the floor!" I yelled to Ben as he ran off. And he did! He kindly and gently told his brother to hammer on the floor. 

One morning we woke up to the sweet sound of Ben singing "Jesus Love Me" as he walked down the hall to our bedroom. 

Nate is finding his place in our family and his own little personality. He is quite vocal about his likes and dislikes. He has started the tantrums where he throws himself on his back and just screams, pauses to look up to see if we are watching and screams some more. I call him my turtle because he lays there on his back like he physically can't get up. Eventually, once left alone for a while he rolls over and comes back to playing. It's a lovely cycle (read with much sarcasm). 

Ben loves to help set the table, especially putting ice in the glasses! He doesn't love clearing the table after dinner, but he has to do it anyway. 

He also helps me cook just about everything. I have to be very careful when we are taking meals places, which we do quite often. Today, I told him he could lick the spatula when I was done mixing a part of our dinner. After sufficiently licking it, I turned around to catch him dipping it make in the bowl to get some more. Ugh. At least it was a meal just for our family. 

Nate says "dada" in the sweetest voice. His inflection totally changes when he says it! He says "baba" for brother, bath and ball. He says "mama" but usually only when he is crying and needs me - I can't get him to say it on command. He has said "nini" for night night a few times. He waves hi and bye but hasn't tried to say them. He signs "thank you" without being prompted when something pleases him. He also signs hungry, all done and more. He is an expert grunt and point guy! He definitely knows how to get his point across. 

Nate loves bath time. Around 6:30pm every evening we say, "Nate, it's bath time," and he crawls away with great speed to the bathroom. He loves it! If I don't follow close behind, he will come back out, beckon me and then go back into the bathroom. 

No, he is not walking yet. We have tried to get him to take some steps and he just plops down and crawls to us. He walks super fast and quite steady when pushing a toy. He just doesn't want to let go yet. 

He can point to his nose, eyes, mouth, tongue, tummy and hair and usually points to his eyes when we ask for ears. 

Ben easily counts to 10 and understands the amounts of 1, 2, 3 (if that makes sense). If I say "several" but there are only two, he happily corrects me - It's just a couple, mom! 

When he counts past 10, he just mixes up all sorts of numbers. I heard him counting yesterday and he said what sounded like "farteen!" Hilarious. 

Ben can't say the "th" sound. So he says "Are gay (they) going over ghere (there)?" I think pretty much all his other words are pretty clear. 

He picks up on everything I say. His current favorite is, "Oh my gracious!" about everything! It gets good reviews when we are out!

Be recognizes the letter 'B' but that is the only one. He will ask, "Where is the J" or whatever letter, but he can't recognize any others yet.

He has many books that he "reads" to us because he has them memorized. He will drag out the words and want us to read along with him. For example "In the great green roooooooooooom..." then he pauses for us to say "there was a telephone and a reeeeeeeeeeeeeed..." "balloon!" 

I am sure there is so much more. I wish I wrote down everything Ben's says or the things that those two boys get into together because they are just hilarious, loving, frustrating, and so much more all at the same time!

Nate makes big messes and is usually willing to help clean up too. 

Gorgeous Weather.

Two boys that LOVE the outdoors!

Not long after the above picture was taken.

Some fellow missionary friends just adopted two boys that are three months apart. Ben overheard us discussing their racial background and the mom said that Zachary, the baby in the picture, was black and Emery, not pictured is white. Probably ten minutes later and moments before or after I took this picture (I don't remember), my darling son said, "Yup, he sure is black!" Oh my gracious! He is just figuring out the difference between black and brown! So innocent, but could be so bad if we were anywhere else. 

We spend Saturday morning at Morning Star Ranch, a part of World Impact that is an hour north of Wichita. I let Ben ride in the front seat when we went looking for the workers to snap some pictures!

 Ah, they are both growing up so fast. 

 This is what I found this morning. Ben turned away when he saw me sneak in with the camera.

 I told them to do this, but isn't it so cute.

With the lovely weather, we have been looking for any chance to get outside. We had an impromptu kite flying time with some of the young missionary kids last week. All three two year olds took a turn flying the kite and we didn't lose it!