Where's My Hoodie?

I feel an overwhelming desire to take a picture of myself wearing a hoodie with my hands in my pockets and my back turned in passive aggressive support of Trayvon Martin's family.

This may come as a shock to you, but I have been white all my life, ghostly white - I don't even tan. I grew up in the white South and did not even interact with people that didn't look like me until college (unless you count the grocery store clerks that carried my bags to the car for me). I didn't know life any differently. And then I went to a 35,000 person college and saw every skin tone, every religion and every different way of thinking from my own. I had to do some real soul searching.

Then, God called me to the city and for the first five years to serve among mostly African Americans. During our four years in Dallas my office was in the city housing complex where we ministered. More than once a police car followed me to see what business I had in being there. Our apartment was quite literally 'across the tracks,' a noticeable racial divide. More days than not, Ryan was the only other white person I saw as I came and went from work and other daily activities like grocery shopping.

It never felt weird. It was my life. Until I had those moments. Those slips. Where a thought crossed my mind or I behaved in a way that was so natural to my upbringing, but so against my current way of thinking.

We ministered in Dallas to children, mostly elementary-aged. We searched and searched for curriculum for our weekly Bible Studies and found almost nothing. All the little kids in the pictures had blond hair. Jesus had blue eyes. The "take home" (application) was always some version of "obey your parents." What? It was so frustrating.

I remember so vividly being the first person to tell a group of eager-to-learn brown skinned little girls that Jesus looked more like their skin color than mine. The shock and joy in their eyes is burned into my memory.  It was so apparent that they had never considered that Jesus looked like them! What a joy to be the first to tell them! I hope it stuck with them.

I will also never forget one of those slips moments. Ryan and I were joining two other couples to celebrate someone's birthday - I don't remember whose birthday it was. We went to the local Chili's restaurant and were promptly escorted through the empty dining room and seated at the back next to the constantly-opening to-go door and across the aisle from another table of six or so. Our waiter was also in charge of all the to-go orders so he was painfully slow and inept (I have a serious thing about good service when I am paying so darn much for the food, but that's another blog). I remember being annoyed. But, what I now remember most is the light bulb moment probably a few weeks later when I put it all together. We were having dinner with two African American couples. We were seated across from a table of six African American diners. Seriously? Where we really treated with horrible service and forced to sit at the back of the empty restaurant because of skin color? My hands are shaking and my eyes are filling with tears as I even type this because it was a painful lesson for me. Should we have used our white privilege to demand a better table? Probably not. Am I ashamed even today that it took me weeks to put it all together? Sadly, yes.

So many times I have asked God why he chose to give me near translucent skin, but such a huge heart for the African American culture. He hasn't given me an answer and I suspect he never will. He doesn't owe it to me. My two beautiful boys had no chance but to get pale white skin from me and Ryan. But, I hope and pray that they will be forced to wrestle with all these things as they grow up in the city. As I teach them their ABCs and 123s, I want them to also learn from me that God loves us all...Christ came to save us all...Jesus himself was met with stares as he socialized with the "wrong" crowd. I hope that they love their friends that look like Trayvon just as much as they love their friends that look like them. I hope they jump in with both feet to follow Him!

Happy 3rd Birthday Ben

I am quite late in posting this, but Ben had a few weeks of birthday celebration, it seemed. He better not get used to that :)

On the actual day of his birthday, March 10, I was at a women's retreat for most of the day. Ryan took Ben and Nate, along with friends Daren and Jackson to the mall for a Dr. Seuss thing. We knew it was risky since Ben is terrified of large, costumed characters and he did keep his distance, but had a good time.

Coloring sheets before the show.

 Do you see the red stripped hat in the center of the photo? Ryan took this pic to show me that this is as close as Ben was willing to get to the Cat in the Hat!

 Story time with the local news anchors. Bottom left of photo - Nate is turned around looking in the stroller, Ben is behind him in yellow and Daren is on Ben's right holding Jackson.

Although I had the retreat, I was allowed to leave early to participate in birthday dinner with my family. Ben requested a "home birthday" meaning he did not want to go out to dinner, but instead wanted yellow mac-n-cheese. He calls it yellow because the Kraft box has yellow on it rather than the homemade (and much healthier) mac-n-cheese that we serve often in our home. He was willing to go to Orange Leaf for some froyo though :)

We didn't plan ahead very well and hadn't purchased many gifts for him even though the birthday money from relatives had arrived. We could not get a feel for what he really wanted. I am glad we waited though because we eventually decided on a little outdoor playhouse and both boys LOVE it!

 Ben was anxiously waiting for Nate to wake up from his nap to come play with him. He set up both their little chairs inside the house and waited. When Nate woke up (happy) and came out to play, he clearly did not want to sit beside Ben.

 Making dinner!

 The beginnings of a lifetime friendship!

He also had his first experience spending his own money. He got a check that Ryan let him help deposit (we scan our deposits) and Ben thought that was so fun.  

He also received $20 cash that we let him put in his wallet and carry to the store in his back pocket and he picked out his own toy. He loved it! We went to a local little toy store and the owners loved Ben as much as he loved getting the toy. It was so fun!

Then, my mom came to town a few days later during her Spring Break so we hosted a party on the patio and asked all our friends and co-workers to stop by. He had a great turn-out. The wind was crazy that day though!

Always willing to lick the spatula.

 Nate is getting to join big brother on the counter most days now. Cooking is a family affair.

 Before the party even started the helium balloons were taken by the wind but saved by the branches. Josh was kind enough to cut them down and we managed to save them.

 The huge Diego balloon didn't have such good luck. He flew away to never return.

 Friends!

 Nate had his first Cheeto. Ya think he liked it?

 Why do they think it's fun in there?

The finale - Daren gave Ben, Jackson and Nadia a ride in the golf cart. Pure joy!

 

Happy Birthday to my favorite Benjamin! 

You are so sweet, so smart, so kind and we love you more than you can imagine!

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Like many people, St. Patrick's Day is only about wearing green for me. I don't drink gallons of Guinness in celebration, so my green shirt is about as far as my partying goes. As part of my role at World Impact I follow many people on twitter and facebook to get ideas for posting/retweeting on World Impact's facebook and twitter. This afternoon I was checking my twitter feed and saw many articles talking about the man behind St. Patrick's Day. I was intrigued and starting looking into his life a little more.

Patrick was captured and put into slavery at the age of 16 by Celtic pirates. During his isolating years in captivity, God spoke to him in an amazing way and gave him a love for his captures.

He escaped and returned home at the age of 22 and became a priest. At the age of 48 he had a dream where his former captures said, "We appeal to you, holy servant boy, to come and walk among us." SO HE DID!

He went back to the very people that had enslaved him and preached the gospel and thousands were saved! His obedience to God's call in his life transformed an entire nation.

I'm not sure that God has plans for our family to change the urban poor population in our entire country, but I do know that he has called us and we are to continue sharing the love of Christ among the urban poor here in Wichita.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Random Updates on Ben and Nate

One of my favorite things is to find my laundry in the wrong drawer. It means Ben was helping put laundry away while I folded! Don't peak in my linen closet because Ben put away the spare sheets and they are a wadded up mess, but it makes me smile every time I get in that closet and I just don't want to clean it up just yet. 

With my hands full I was trying to holler across the room to get Nate to stop hammering on the entertainment center. Ben said, "I'll get him, mom." "Tell him to hammer on the floor!" I yelled to Ben as he ran off. And he did! He kindly and gently told his brother to hammer on the floor. 

One morning we woke up to the sweet sound of Ben singing "Jesus Love Me" as he walked down the hall to our bedroom. 

Nate is finding his place in our family and his own little personality. He is quite vocal about his likes and dislikes. He has started the tantrums where he throws himself on his back and just screams, pauses to look up to see if we are watching and screams some more. I call him my turtle because he lays there on his back like he physically can't get up. Eventually, once left alone for a while he rolls over and comes back to playing. It's a lovely cycle (read with much sarcasm). 

Ben loves to help set the table, especially putting ice in the glasses! He doesn't love clearing the table after dinner, but he has to do it anyway. 

He also helps me cook just about everything. I have to be very careful when we are taking meals places, which we do quite often. Today, I told him he could lick the spatula when I was done mixing a part of our dinner. After sufficiently licking it, I turned around to catch him dipping it make in the bowl to get some more. Ugh. At least it was a meal just for our family. 

Nate says "dada" in the sweetest voice. His inflection totally changes when he says it! He says "baba" for brother, bath and ball. He says "mama" but usually only when he is crying and needs me - I can't get him to say it on command. He has said "nini" for night night a few times. He waves hi and bye but hasn't tried to say them. He signs "thank you" without being prompted when something pleases him. He also signs hungry, all done and more. He is an expert grunt and point guy! He definitely knows how to get his point across. 

Nate loves bath time. Around 6:30pm every evening we say, "Nate, it's bath time," and he crawls away with great speed to the bathroom. He loves it! If I don't follow close behind, he will come back out, beckon me and then go back into the bathroom. 

No, he is not walking yet. We have tried to get him to take some steps and he just plops down and crawls to us. He walks super fast and quite steady when pushing a toy. He just doesn't want to let go yet. 

He can point to his nose, eyes, mouth, tongue, tummy and hair and usually points to his eyes when we ask for ears. 

Ben easily counts to 10 and understands the amounts of 1, 2, 3 (if that makes sense). If I say "several" but there are only two, he happily corrects me - It's just a couple, mom! 

When he counts past 10, he just mixes up all sorts of numbers. I heard him counting yesterday and he said what sounded like "farteen!" Hilarious. 

Ben can't say the "th" sound. So he says "Are gay (they) going over ghere (there)?" I think pretty much all his other words are pretty clear. 

He picks up on everything I say. His current favorite is, "Oh my gracious!" about everything! It gets good reviews when we are out!

Be recognizes the letter 'B' but that is the only one. He will ask, "Where is the J" or whatever letter, but he can't recognize any others yet.

He has many books that he "reads" to us because he has them memorized. He will drag out the words and want us to read along with him. For example "In the great green roooooooooooom..." then he pauses for us to say "there was a telephone and a reeeeeeeeeeeeeed..." "balloon!" 

I am sure there is so much more. I wish I wrote down everything Ben's says or the things that those two boys get into together because they are just hilarious, loving, frustrating, and so much more all at the same time!

Nate makes big messes and is usually willing to help clean up too. 

Gorgeous Weather.

Two boys that LOVE the outdoors!

Not long after the above picture was taken.

Some fellow missionary friends just adopted two boys that are three months apart. Ben overheard us discussing their racial background and the mom said that Zachary, the baby in the picture, was black and Emery, not pictured is white. Probably ten minutes later and moments before or after I took this picture (I don't remember), my darling son said, "Yup, he sure is black!" Oh my gracious! He is just figuring out the difference between black and brown! So innocent, but could be so bad if we were anywhere else. 

We spend Saturday morning at Morning Star Ranch, a part of World Impact that is an hour north of Wichita. I let Ben ride in the front seat when we went looking for the workers to snap some pictures!

 Ah, they are both growing up so fast. 

 This is what I found this morning. Ben turned away when he saw me sneak in with the camera.

 I told them to do this, but isn't it so cute.

With the lovely weather, we have been looking for any chance to get outside. We had an impromptu kite flying time with some of the young missionary kids last week. All three two year olds took a turn flying the kite and we didn't lose it!

Prayer Letter

I've decided to start posting our monthly ministry prayer letters here. Some of you may already receive them in email or printed form. We never tire or hearing how you pray for us and maybe how some of our ministry stories affect you or ways that you see God working in your lives! We love comments :)

Dear Friends and Family,

Thank You!  Thank You!  Thank You!

Those written words do not seem to be enough to express how grateful we are for the response we have received since making our financial support needs known to you.  We are so encouraged that our monthly support has increased by 7%.  We have received over $400 more in monthly support. 

Some of you have begun giving for the first time.  Thank You!

Some of you have increased your faithful monthly support by $5, $10, or even more per month.  Thank You!

We also received many generous year-end donations that allowed us to almost reach our entire goal for July through December.  Thank You!

While we rejoice in the way the Lord has provided for our financial needs, we still are not fully supported.  Please join us in praying that God would continue to raise up new people that would be excited to partner with us in our church planting efforts among the urban poor.  We are now at 72% of our monthly goal.  We believe that God can provide the remaining 28% or $1000 per month that we need to be fully supported.  We could share many stories with you of how God has provided financially for us with perfect timing and we trust He will continue to do so!

We know many of you love our ministry, but also love hearing about our two little boys.  Benjamin turns three years old this month!  It feels like he is ready to walk out the door to kindergarten already with the thoughts and ideas that he comes up with.  We are always a bit amazed by him!  Nathaniel is 15 months old and still a squirmy bundle of joy.  He loves following his brother everywhere he goes and gets all the attention with his cute dimples and ready giggles.  Anything Ben can do, Nate thinks he can do too!  I wonder where he gets that?

Serving Christ Among the Urban Poor,

Ryan, Amber, Benjamin and Nathaniel Carter