Married vs Buried

Me: "You can become a daddy one day after you are married."
Ben: After a long pause, "When they put me in the ground?"
Me: "Um...well...yeah...ya see..."
Ben: "Where is Daddy's grandma?"

Last weekend Ben had his first experience with death and the reality of someone being buried (not married). Last Tuesday, Ryan's grandma, Dorothy Barlow went to be with the Lord after 85 years on this earth and 65 years of marriage to her loving husband Marvin, or Grandpa Bud. While this was of course a sad occasion, we are thankful that Grandma Dot is now in the presence of her Lord, in her right mind and with a restored body!

We packed up the kids and made the eight hour drive to Abilene, Texas and were able to be with the family for the weekend. We were not sure how Ben would process his first funeral or how we would answer all his questions. He did have a ton of questions! Many of them he asked multiple times. Some of them he continues to ask, even just today. We weren't sure how Nate would do without naps and while teething and he decided he had enough ten minutes into the funeral service and we were seated on the very front row with the family. (He was still super cute and adored by everyone though! Just hard on the mama.)

Ryan and I are extremely blessed that this is the first of all four sets of grandparents to pass away. When we think of the testimony of their lives, their many years of faithful marriage, and the endless times they all serve each other in amazing ways as they age we only hope that we can follow in their footsteps. Grandpa Bud is one of the most tender men I have ever known. Since the time I met them, Grandma Dot has needed assistance in everyday activities to some degree. I usually saw her sitting in the same spot on a couch, sipping iced tea. Ever so often Grandpa Bud would ask, "Do you need anything sweety?" as he gently leaned toward her and touched her hair or hand. It was always so tender. He loved her! Even at the funeral, with so many of the children, grandchildren and great grandchildren gathered he told me, "I wish Dot could have been here for this." I am honored to have known them and Ryan and I are so blessed to have such powerful examples of love and faithfulness in our families.

With the heaviness of the weekend, we still found time for some fun and laughter because there were ten great grandchildren in town! We stayed in a hotel with a heated, indoor pool. It was like bath water! Nate hated the floaty thing we borrowed for him but loved sitting on the top step and splashing. Ben loved the floaty thing because he could get around in the pool by himself and play with his cousins. He still hasn't stopped talking about his cousins. I didn't get many pictures because the other family members were taking them but I haven't asked any of them for copies yet. These two will have to do.

Nate emptied the suitcase for us. So kind.

 Don't wrinkle your funeral clothes! Watching Toy Story 3 on our laptop with our Netflix subscription. 

Videos

During the holidays Ben didn't see his friends near as often. We recently went to dinner at his friend Jackson's house and Ben was so excited that he broke into song. And let me capture some of it on video!

After dinner playtime with Daddy!

Nate begs for more tickles almost every time I change his diaper. Isn't it difficult to laugh that hard while lying on your back?

Lately

It has been awhile since I gave a Carter kid update so here are some recent pictures and videos.

Check out that bed head! 

Nate knows when it is 7pm! He regularly just crawls off to the bathroom and starts tugging on his clothes to take a bath. 

Catching up on some reading. Our pediatrician advised us to wash him with only water (except for the really dirty parts) because of his eczema. It does seem to be doing much better!

Ben has decided that he wants to take showers now. The boy that screamed when any water got on his face is now showering! It is pretty cute. 

My mom came for a few more days before going back to work from her Christmas break. We are having such warm winter weather that we were able to enjoy the zoo!

And we went bowling!

Nate tries to get in all the cuddles he can!

Kisses for Mama D before she went back home.

A snack and a little "TB" with Mama D.

Again, the warm weather has made us happy to be outside. We took a little family trip to the Nature Center. I let the wind blow the duck-bread baggie into the water and Ryan and Ben were kind enough to fetch it so we didn't litter!

Nate begging to be picked up. It was sunny, but windier and chillier than we expected.

He got picked up!

Nate eats like a monster. Messy and tons of it! He easily eats twice as much as Ben right now because Ben has decided to go on a hunger strike for about the last month. Nate will eat anything and everything and Ben will only eat a pbj (on the rare chance it is offered) or else just pick a bite or two of his meal and then be done. We are hopeful that this stage will end soon for Ben and that Nate will learn to use utensils soon. 

Can you see my new tooth on the top? He has four spots that are terribly swollen and one tooth that has popped through. That puts us at a grand total of 3 teeth at 13 months!

Mommy time.

Nate only signs if we force it. He prefers to just grunt for things he wants. 

Ben gave up napping all together before Christmas. Then, he would randomly fall asleep some days. We strongly encourage him to read a book in his bed, but allow him to play quietly from 1-3pm every day. Now, he is falling asleep about half of the time. 

Ben has been waking up dry in the mornings so we tried underwear which he thought was fantastic. He woke up early to potty or woke dry for the first few days and then started waking just barely wet, but wet enough to need a full sheet change. So, we went back to diapers at night. He doesn't seem to care either way so we will just wait until he is more ready. 

On the days that he does sleep I try really hard to keep Nate from going in his room, but Nate wakes up about 2:30pm and will go straight to Ben's room to look for him when I turn my head. On the day of the below video I heard banging of toys and went to see and this is what I found!

Symbolism

We are at a time right now in ministry where we are between church plants. We transitioned out of leadership and then out of the church altogether just before Christmas. We had been at Christ the Victor Church since the first week we arrived in Wichita. Then, the church was only a few weeks old. We saw it change in so many ways. It was a part of us...our first church planting experience. It stretched us, molded our ideas on church in general, it was warm and a wonderful place for Ben to first learn about daddy "teaching the peoples."

You may remember me blogging about our church starting a community garden. If you know much about us, you know we have black thumbs. I've never kept anything but weeds alive (thriving even). We tried our hardest to make the garden work. We bought plants (not seeds so we might have a better chance) and we watered and watered and watered and watered. I took both boys at least every other day just after breakfast to water our garden. We didn't have water on the property so we had to drag a hose from the missionary's house across the street and fill a horse tank and then dip from that. There were weeks that I filled that horse tank every single time I went because it was so hot that we were all using too much water and the tank was always empty when I arrived. It was tiring! To fill the tank with both the boys was a lot of work. But, I was committed to seeing my plants grow.

Well, they didn't. Nothing grew but my weeds. I finally gave up. I think I was one of the last to give up!

A couple of weeks after transitioning out of the church, Christ the Victor Church baptized two people in THAT horse tank! That tank (that had become a thorn in my side, was always empty, but was supposed to promise life-giving water to my plants) was used to (symbolically) wash away the sins of these two people, publicly identifying them with Christ, and bringing new life, eternal life. What an amazing transformation for that horse tank.

 Although we no longer attend Christ the Victor Church, we felt great joy hearing about these two baptisms and pray that God continue to bring growth to that little church!

Moments

I recently shared this link on my facebook page after reading it at a friend's suggestion. I keep thinking about it during different parts of my day - the good, the bad and the ugly parts of an average day in parenting. I wanted to post these cute Ben moments so I remember them!

When getting out of the car in the Target parking lot, Ryan told Ben to hold his hand. Ben asked, "Because we are friends?"

When sprinkling all our homemade pizza toppings this evening I told Ben that I liked cooking with him. He said, "I like cooking with you too mom." I leaned in for a kiss and he planted one on my cheek and said, "We put kisses on each other, didn't we?" That is significant because he wipes off ALL my kisses these days!